I wake up and rub the stain of sleep off my forehead.
Already the hunger for nicotine falls over me.
All my morning started off with a sweet little buzz.
Today, no cigarettes lie on the table.
Running my hand through my hair, I exhale and clear my throat.
“Gimme just a little bit of that opaque, slow-moving, heavy smoke of chemicals!”
No one answers as my left eye begins to twitch ever so slightly.
~theLionWriter
Two cylinders lie in the tiny blue box.
My head burns with lust.
My palms shake with want.
The desire to fill my soul with dark, pungent, smoke is my only thought.
But my throat dryly complains as I anxiously pull that stick of death from its cave and bring the flame to my lips.
Cough.
Cough.
Puff.
The lust, now replaced with disgust.
~theLionWriter
Cigarettes VOL.1
#iquit
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 26th
3:02 A.M.
By now, everyone’s gone to bed. The pack of rolling tobacco sits on its side about my journal on the kitchen table. A familiar burning sensation crawls down my shoulder blades and up my neck. My cheeks red with the fervent energy of anticipation. The ink leaving my pen keeps my fiendish mind distracted. For this reason, I know it is writing that can help me fight my nicotine craze- withdrawals were inevitable but state of mind can sway any losing battle. I then recalled a University therapist session where I was told writing, art, and music would help me combat any hardships I was facing. My general perception of why she told me this was because creating things helps people remember that they are here- they generate their own presence and their emotional/mental problems seem trivial. We start saying, “Look at what I just made!” rather than “Look at how bad everything is!” I decided then I would apply this principle to a physical addiction and truly discover what ‘MIND over MATTER’ means. Supposedly it takes a minimum of 21 days to break a habit, that first week must be the most difficult and therefore take the most focus so: every time I want a cigarette I will either write a new entrée for this 7-part series or release a video on my progress. The idea is that the amount of entrees and videos I generate on how destructive/repulsive/addicting cigarettes are will change my perspective of cigarettes from HELPFUL to HARMFUL. So far, I’ve smoked 3 cigarettes today, this is my first entrée. I’m 21.* I’ve been smoking for two years.
~theLionWriter
*I’m now 22 years of age.
Words by the Lionwriter 